Rhythm and Blues

During the weekdays most of my neighbors walk briskly out their homes to their cars for the regular workday from 7:00 a.m. to 9:00 a.m. The curbs are laid bare with only a car here and there by the time 10:00 a.m. rolls around. At 11:00 a.m. I can expect the UPS and Post Office trucks to make their deliveries. (I know this because I’ve been ordering a shitload of stuff and been waiting to sign off on it all.) From 3:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. my neighbors trickle back home, sometimes with groceries or carryout. 8:00 p.m. is usually “primetime”. Some of my neighbors come out to sit on the porch with friends, especially the college kids; some walk to the corner pub. By 10:00 p.m. everyone is back in their house to get ready for the next workday.

On weekends people come and go for outings, more socializing on the porches, or gardening in front of the house. At night the smell of someone’s bbq grill is wafting through my window or deck. Sometimes in the early morning weekend hours, a group of drunk college kids are yelling and singing their way back to their home. By 11:00 p.m. on Sunday night, all cars have returned home, and the streets are quiet again for the new work week.
That’s the rhythm.

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The blues. I’ve had to completely detach from my family this summer in order to get work on my dissertation done. And I had a falling out with my mom. I don’t know if I’ll ever talk to her again, definitely not before this year is over. The whys and wherefores are not important, only that it was necessary in order for me to live a stress-free life without any judgment or condemnation.

I’ve also had to take a break from a lover these many weeks. It was decision that I couldn’t avoid and still keep my dignity and self-esteem. I don’t know if I’ll ever speak with him again or if certain issues will be resolved. I’ll just say that I don’t take sloppy seconds or perform fluffer duties and leave it at that.

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All in all, this is the most I’ve been at peace for a while. There’s always a sharp pang of anxiety that pricks at the back of my head from time to time, but I remind myself that there was absolutely no other path I could have taken without remaining in a pit of constant mental strain from pleasing everyone all the time, and if they can’t understand then I’m much better off anyway. The bottom line is that if any relationship is meant to be, it will work out in the end, and I have to trust that.

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I’m officially building a house. The architect who is working with me said that it’s possible the house will be finished by November. I hope so because I can’t stand living above my pothead neighbor any more. His dog has been wandering on my patio (and the other neighbors) peeing on anything sitting out. The dog as also left mounds of shit in the flowers, shrubs, and walkways because the neighbor is too lazy to walk his dog regularly or pick up his dog’s shit. I will have to call animal control sometime this summer, but not before asking the condo association to give him a warning (which probably won’t happen).